By Virgília Ferrão
- Evaristo buys the app
Evaristo bought the wristwatch from a friendly Nigerian, in downtown area. He bought it on sale. Thanks to Clayton Kazimira, app developer and great genius of this century, the focus has ceased to be on oil & gas. Southern Africa has found profit in a more colourful market, where everyone wants majority stake: the market of love. We are talking about an algorithmic love, sold on the Tandiza App.
If it weren’t for his friends, Evaristo would have never bothered for such an app. Firstly, even though he was a big fan ofmodern gadgets, he seriously doubted that love could come from exact sciences or computers. Secondly, because he had already found love. Or so he thought.
“Your house is on fire”, his friends warned him at the time, horrified by the ability of Evaristo’s wife to offend him; by the delight she took in humiliating him and putting him down.
“Your house has been on fire for a long time, bro, wake up!”
“But I love my wife,” Evaristo replied.
One day, however, he took a moment to think about it. He swallowed hard and admitted that promises had been discarded as household garbage. That woman had made him believe that he had too many flaws. That he should trim them up. As he trimmed himself, he realized that he had trimmed even the most beautiful parts. That’s when he decided. He left and called for divorce.
Many months later, too lazy to go to pathology, too lazy to go to the city council to deal with late paperwork, and even to get out of bed, Evaristo took the day off to enjoy his solitude, eating burritos and surfing on reddit. His friend saw him online.
“Hey gadgets lover, do you think this thing is real? I’m thinking of buying one for myself.”
Evaristo paid attention to the ad that had just landed in his chat.
“Finally, in our market, the little watch with the hands to the heart! Tandiza Love App is revolutionizing lives of millions of people on the continent and around the world. The chance has come to meet, based on scientifically indisputable evidence, without errors, your perfect match! Connect today and find out who is your true soulmate. 4 free virtual dates. Terms and conditions apply“.
Evaristo was intrigued. No errors? People take leaps of faith, hoping for the best. Sometimes they are lucky, but other times, they end up having to live with overwhelming disappointment. When he had sworn eternal love before the priest, he had taken a risk in the dark. He had failed. The only infallible love is that of blood connections, and even so. Evaristo bit his fingernails. He had decided it was better to die alone than to risk that love nonsense again, but if science now was saying that it could calculate the risk for him… well. Why not try it out. He needed to know who his perfect match was.
2. Evaristo tries the watch
It’s night. Evaristo observes the device still sealed in the box. He turns on his laptop and opens the website to download the app. The download is quick and the instructions clear: he must connect the patch to the bottom of the skull and activate the watch on his wrist before sleeping. That night, while sleeping, he will meet his perfect match. Science will show him precisely who is the love of his life.
3. The first date (the contours of the dream)
Evaristo, 00:15
An intense splendour descends. I hear waterfalls. I check myself, dumbfounded. Tuxedo? I have never been one to dress up. My fingertips moisten. Fear. This environment, this dream, seems all too real. I wonder where I am and who is waiting for me. Anyone who I know or will I see her face for the first time? What if this person is from another continent? Or if she speaks Mandarin? Worse, what if it is someone already committed? There were reports of users of the app who met their perfect matches already quite committed to other people.
I capture a sudden floral aroma. I look around and notice that I am surrounded by a ring of bioluminescent shrubs, daisies, and gerberas. The moon rises giant, deflowers with its soft rays the tepid dawn and brings to my ears a pleasant jazz, Nat King Cole.
What’s happening here?
About ten meters away, I see a row of wooden chairs and a woman sitting in the last one. I follow the trail of her long blue dress that crawls through the grass. The jazz orchestra now accompanies black tulips that fall slowly from the clear sky. A whirlwind of hope spirals through the long, colourful twists of her hair and hits me squarely in the chest as she turns to me.
“Evaristo…?”
Everything slows down for the both of us. The past is diluted in our present. An entire galaxy expands inside me. Then, I remember that its only a dream. My lips let out, in a slow ecstasy:
“Brenda…!”
I hadn’t seen this woman in years. She looks as amazed as I do.
“What is this place, Evaristo?”
“We are in a dream. We are within my dream.”
“And what am I doing, awake in your dream?”
“Uh, well, apparently…”
I tell her everything. About the watch. And its purpose. She flashes a gorgeous smile.
“The famous app! It’s interesting that its thinks I’m the person…”
And soon our palms meet. Our faces touch. The fingers intertwined.
“Where have you been, Bri?”
“Well, around here, in the city. I work in the Municipal Council. You?”
“Me…?”
I’m not able to answer, because I’m hypnotized. Brenda is still as beautiful or even more than I recall. We were colleagues at the university. From time to time, we would cross paths in the canteen. On Wednesdays, especially. We were the only ones who loved Mrs. Mapitso’s burritos. I offered to carry her heavy books and we walked side by side, ignoring the prying eyes of the boys who admired Brenda for her impudent beauty and clothing. We sat in the library, away from the air conditioning, as we were both shivery. We studied in silence. One day, just before graduation, I found an envelope in the middle of my books. Inside, a pen and a note that said: the Mesopotamians believed in the magic of engraved words. A souvenir so you don’t forget me. From your colleague, Bri. I held the pen up to the light and one verse that still lingers in my life.
I smiled, perplexed. Texted her thanking the gift. I had always thought about asking her out on a date, but never had the courage. The moment I finally decided to do so, I was in the car with my cousin typing the message, when our car got hit by another. The driver was my future wife. Life got complicated and the message to Brenda was postponed for a few hours. That turned into days. That turned into months. Years. I let her escape straight into the arms of some lucky man, to whom she is certainly married today.
Back to reality, or rather, to this atypical situation created by the software, I look at Brenda, nervously.
“Bri… Are you committed?” I ask her, fearing confirmation.
She takes a few seconds before answering:
“No, Evaristo. Since we are in a dream, since you summoned me into your dream, I will confess. There is no one special in my life and sometimes I still think about you”.
Pyrotechnic explosion inside me.
“Oh my God,” I moan softly, blessing the app.
I can’t stop loving her with my eyes. It doesn’t matter what I’ve done or not done in the past. Science is answering me. Brenda slides her fingers down my back and we walk together the warm contours of this dream.
4. Customer Line
Evaristo wakes up with the sun flooding all the rooms in the house. His brain, meanwhile, seems immersed in the dark. He remembers nothing. Wasn’t he supposed to have had a dream, a vision, something like that? Wasn’t him supposed to wake up knowing who was his perfect match? After brushing his teeth, he opens the app on his laptop.
Quick codes run on a dark command screen. Tandiza App is showing him a report, based on his brain activity during the previous night:
“Research and simulation complete. Successful virtual date. Perfect match found. Compatibility level: 98.99%. Affinity level: 99.99%. Margin of error: 0.4%. Our app recorded an abnormal production of serotonin. We are pleased to inform you that you were very happy during the virtual date. If you want to access the complete records of this first date or want to know the identity of your match, please upgrade in order to access all the functions of our app. You have a balance of 3 free virtual dates”.
Evaristo picks up his mobile phone and activates the customer’s line.
“Tandiza App, how can we help?”
“Yes. I used your app yesterday and today it’s telling me that I had a successful date, meanwhile, I don’t know who my match is!”
“Can I have your code, sir?”
“932546.”
“Right. Mr. Evaristo Moiane. You used our app yesterday and want to know the identity of your match, is that correct?”
“Correct.”
“Please hold on line. Mr. Evaristo, thank you for holding on the line. You are using a demo version. To access all the features of the App, you must pay the full package. The amount in meticais is the…”
Evaristo quickly jumped from his chair.
“Ma’m…!? Do you want me to rob a bank or what?”
“We’re sorry, sir. It is the price of the promotional package. If you want…-”
“No.” Heinterrupts, “That information is enough for me. Thank you for your patience.”
“You’re welcome, sir. Do you want to continue the trial period for free?”
“That would be fine”.
Evaristo decides to think about all that later. After all, life is unpostponable. There is work to do, bills to pay, documents to legalize. He decides, first, to go to the municipal council to regularize the title of the land, as that process was long due.
As he parks downtown, he sees a familiar face through the car window at the bottom of the stairs of the old government building. He is surprised. Brenda. His former classmate from university. He hadn’t seen her for years. She also recognises him and when she smiled at him, Evaristo’s heart skips a beat.
“It’s so good to see you again, Evaristo!”
He adjusts his glasses.
“Bri… how have you been?”
“Working here now, in the territorial planning department.”
Evaristo finds himself so absorbed by the encounter that he almost forgets the little time he has for the day’s chores.
“I heard you got married… how’s the family?”
Evaristo runs his hand over the back of his head.
“Oh, yes,” he tries not to show disappointment at the inquiry, “they’re all right…
His ego does not allow him to admit that he failed miserably as a husband, and that he even had the regrettable idea of pursuing propaganda loves, monitored by computers. Evaristo heads to the laboratory, thoughtful. He remembers the day when his ex-wife, in a terrible fit of jealousy, reduced to dust the box where he kept cherished memories, including the pen that Brenda had offered him so many years ago.
Who knows how things would have been if he had sent her that message? If he had… Evaristo shakes his head. It no longer matters.
***
After work, already at home, Evaristo constantly looks at his watch, waiting for some sign from the app, perhaps reviewing his face or knowing the name of the woman he met in the land of algorithms disguised as dreams. Darkness falls. Around 22:00, the app shows you a brief message:
“Perfect match found yesterday. You have established a deep connection. Ready to see her again tonight? Sweet dreams!”
5. The second encounter (heart aerobics)
Evaristo, 00:39
Within my dream, I meet her again. However, I am astonished. During the morning, when we bumped into the municipality, neither Brenda nor I remembered the night before.
“You looked so beautiful this morning. I swear I would have grabbed you right there, if I had remembered us.”
She stares at me discontent.
“Why did you let me believe that you’re still married?”
“Because I’m stupid, my love.”
Brenda lets out a sigh.
“But, Evaristo, if this is really happening, if all this is real and if this app really works, why we do not remember a thing?”
“It’s that I didn’t pay for the full package. I’m using a demo version. You know how we Mozambican are…”
She laughs so softly that I am immediately impelled to kiss her. It is a kiss that contradicts the planet’s coherence. This is new to me. It causes me a venipuncture and, suddenly, a few milligrams of the poem circulate in my body.
“My soul, of dreaming of you, is lost.”
Brenda takes my hand.
“My eyes are blind to see you.”, she adds“Florbela Espanca”.
I watch her slowly, enraptured, caressing her fingers between mine.
“Indeed it’s you, it’s always been you… you guys are right, it is her!”, I shout loudly for the blessed gods of the app to hear me, if they are there.
Again, Brenda giggles. She shakes me with a slight push.
“But, Evaristo, man!” That’s not the way to convince anyone. This whole thing is just a fantasy. An illusion.”
“But you’re real. And I want to be with you. Don’t you want to be with me?”
“With all my soul”, suddenly she pulls away and looks serious. “You have to see me urgently when you wake up, Evaristo. I’m about to travel. I’m going to Japan for a year, a postgraduate degree. I don’t want to leave without knowing that you want me”.
I scratch my head, anguished.
“What if, again… I don’t remember? I’m afraid of waking upset and then… cancel the app.”
“Don’t do that. Not before we talk” she snuggles up to me “Don’t resist me anymore, man. I will be yours, everyday”.
My fingers wander over Bri’s face, sobbing endless tenderness. And in silence I pray for my heart, because it is not used to so much aerobics.
“I will also be yours, Bri, today and at always.”
***
Evaristo is having a very troubled sleep. His heart runs dizzyingly into the night and his bed continues to moisten. He desperately wants to be able to remember when he wakes up. When…
***
The alarm rings. 6:00 a.m.
Evaristo finishes his push-ups, makes a cup of tea and opens the laptop.
A sudden pop up greets him:
“Pay full package | continue free trial?”
But… who is the person you’re talking about? Highly frustrating. Evaristo is about to hit the cancel option, when the application releases an audio. To his surprise, he hears his own voice. Clearly he is talking to someone, although only his voice is translucent.
“To whom would I have said these things?” he wonders in amazement. “I sound so in love!”
He decides to open the report of his dates.
“I’m curious to know who this person is and what it would be like to meet them in person.” He says it to himself, after reading it so briefly. He dips his fingers into his wallet. Fishes out his debit card. Calculates for a moment. Finally, he shakes his head and ends up turning off the computer. There is no money for so much nonsense.
6. The third date (love can’t be bought)
Evaristo, 01:00
I wait at the counter of a sumptuous rooftop bar, to the sound of You Don’t Know Me, B.B. King. The orchestras and sound effects of this software are astonishing!
The guest finally arrives, as beautiful as the first few times.
“I’m sorry for the delay, my dear. I fell asleep very late today” she explains.
“Is it your fault? These are delays marked in non-existent clocks”.
“Big illogicality”, Brenda retorts. “How is it possible that they prevent us from remembering?”
I close my eyes for a moment. Maybe a miracle will occur, maybe my bed will rotate in a gorgeous metamorphosis and I’ll wake up in hers. It doesn’t happen. Then I sigh.
“If I had the remote idea, I would have already paid for the app. I would give everything, Bri.”
She stares at me perplexed.
“For heavens sake, man, when are you going to understand?” Love can’t be bought. You don’t have to spend a single penny, you don’t have to buy the app. I like you and I’m just a call away.”
7. These ridiculous prices
Evaristo sits in front of the laptop screen. He removes his glasses, puts them back on. He is pale. Despondent. The app relentless hides any useful information. Evaristo is outraged by the absence of memories of what the App describes as the most intense nights of his life. To unravel the mystery, he will have to pay for the full package. But he hesitates. Is there really someone, some love, somewhere in the universe, that is right for him? He does not want – and will not – pay this absurd amount, for what in the end may be a simple scam.
He calls the customer’s line. The line is busy. He hangs there, to the sound of waiting music. Have You Seen Her, MC Hammer. It has to be cynicism of these people, he thinks.
“Thank you for waiting, Mr. Evaristo. We confirm that we will release the identity of your match. Both you and your match will have unrestricted access to all the memories you have created in your dates. All you have to do is pay the amount of 80% of the original price.
“What?” Evaristo jumps upset, “Madam, I bought your watch and it wasn’t cheap! These prices are ridiculous. This is 2027, people have more serious needs! I don’t need any of this, look… I’m going to give up!”
“Are you sure you don’t need this?” The voice on the other end asks him calmly, “It’s always easy to pretend than to accept the truth about loneliness, isn’t it?There is still time to go straight to the whole package and be happy, Mr. Evaristo. It’s super easy.”
Evaristo goes silent. The operator, obviously well trained, is making fun of him. Paying the full package is a problem. Having a heart that suffers from love for someone you don’t know, having your memories deleted in the morning, seems like an even greater outrage.
“Non sense! Unbelievable! You are manipulators and swindlers!”
“We are sorry, Mr. Evaristo. I have instructions that the decisions in this matter are final. Thus, either pay the requested price or cancel the application. You have one more day to decide.”
With a moment of silence, Evaristo ends the call.
8. The last date
Evaristo, 01:22
Inside my dream, the night is rainy. I wonder who the engineer is who decides on the visual effects of this software and if, by any chance, he has fun with all this. Dismayed, but still optimistic, I see myself emerging onto a trail with puddles of water that reflect the orange glow of the night lights. And when I see her walk towards me, my heart bursts into spurts of joy and also of fury.
I know, deep down, that I’m madly in love. And that I won’t have her.
I allow myself your kisses, thousands of them, before all this is over.
“I won’t see you again, Bri.”
She seems dissatisfied. At one point, she squints, crossing her arms in a defiant attitude.
“when a man wants, he makes it happen. If you want, if deep down you want, believe me, Evaristo, you will look for me”.
“But Bri, without the app, how can I…”
“Screw the app! Tomorrow morning. Take an action. A text, a call, you name it! Even if I don’t remember any of this and with my own dilemmas, I will welcome you with open arms. Well, I think I will… but you have to try”.
I feel cornered. Man, how unfair. How am I supposed to solve this? I sincerely wish that the first thing I do in the morning is to pay for the damn app.
The Final Investment Decision
“Your trial period is over. Pay for the full package?”
Annoyed and already fed up, Evaristo drags the computer mouse and clicks:
“No”.
The screen throws a huge red exclamation mark, accompanied by a loud alert and an automatic service voice whistling on the speaker:
“Are you sure of this operation? You will lose access to all your records.”
Evaristo’s fingers tremble around the mouse. He needs to get rid of that scam once and for all, before he ends up getting into debt for no reason.
He gives the final click.
“Service discontinued. If you want to regain your access, please call our customer services.”
Evaristo rushes to the city council to see the license for the property, because he does not breath love. As he leaves the municipal secretariat, with the title stamped, he glimpses some colorful twists swinging on the back of a woman wearing a blue dress. That was Brenda, down the hall. She seemed in a hurry, but when she heard Evaristo’s voice, she retreated to greet him.
“I’m on a trip. Leaving tonight, I just came to finish a few things…”
“Vacation?”
“Postgraduation. I’m moving to Japan.”
“Oh,” Evaristo feels something stranger in his stomach, “right, may everything go well, my dear, all the best!”
“You too, my dear class mate!”
Evaristo says goodbye to her with a kiss on her cheek, surprised at the warm shiver that climbs his entire skin, the strange sensation in his veins. He squeezes the envelope between his fingers as he watches Brenda walk away, leaving a trail of her sweet perfume. She was always very beautiful.
Evaristo stares desolately at the watch on his wrist. If only he knew what “the one” looked like. The shape of her smile. Where she was. Maybe “the one” walks around with mussiro on her face, or she was wandering around the Island of Mozambique; contemplating a piece of art in a museum in Singapore; perhaps teaching at a college in Manchester; or just selling stuff at a stall in Malhangalene.
A few seconds later, as if coming out of a trance, Evaristo snatches the watch from his wrist. He throws it into the first garbage box and starts running, desperate.
It doesn’t matter. He is not interested in knowing where “the one” is. He may never find the one. And that is ok.
“Bri…” He finally reaches her, panting.
He sweats. He clears his throat. Damn, the man is nervous. But he has also decided. From there he will not leave without taking the leap.
“Would you have a few minutes for a coffee before your trip?”
